I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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