Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
