Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
