we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
