life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
