Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize