I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
my poor anus
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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