I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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