I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
