the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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