I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
