once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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