I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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