the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
