We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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