OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
