Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
