he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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