clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize