nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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