I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
