Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
