come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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