Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
