And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
