On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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