He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
