Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
