I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
