I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
