I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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