4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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