Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
honey bunches of taint.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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