If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
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Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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