Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
