Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
