Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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