hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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