maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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