I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
