the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude i'm inner monologue high
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
