Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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