Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
