You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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