I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
