Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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