Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
