So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
