bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
