how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
