At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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