the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
