Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
