Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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