brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
