Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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