Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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