Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
