I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
