Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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