I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
