how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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