they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
