Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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