I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
