no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You dont lie about slip and slides
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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