i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
