Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
