I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
