The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
